Listen
Up!
by
Donna Cardillo, RN, MA
When
most of us think about effective communication, we think
about how to best get our point across, right? Yet talking
is only one aspect of communication, and some would say
it’s the least important. Listening is key to the
exchange of information and messages. There’s a saying
that goes, “None of us ever really communicates; we
just take turns talking.” During the time we should
be listening in a conversation, we’re usually thinking
about what we just said, what we’re going to say next,
or what we should have said — or we’re distracted
by things in our environment. Listening is not the same
as hearing. Hearing is easy; listening takes work. To become
a better listener —
Avoid
distractions. During important conversations, do what is
necessary to minimize extraneous noise and interruptions.
Go to a quiet location, have your phone calls held, turn
off the radio, close the door to your office, etc. When
having a phone conversation, avoid the temptation to open
your mail or work on your computer while listening. Not
only is this rude (the speaker may hear what you’re
doing), but it interferes with your ability to listen and
concentrate.
Be
aware of body language — yours and theirs. When listening
in person, you should be in a relaxed position, leaning
slightly toward the speaker. Avoid crossing your arms or
engaging in nervous habits, such as tapping your finger
on the desk or glancing at the door or your watch. This
gives the impression that you’re not interested.
Learn
to listen with your eyes, as well as your ears. Actions
speak louder than words. A speaker may say that something
is not a problem, but clench his fists as he says it, indicating
that something else is at work. Facial expressions, yours
and the speaker’s, can also speak volumes. Some of
us have a tendency to frown or furrow our brow when listening.
Though this may be a common listening posture, it can appear
to the speaker that you’re unhappy or that you disagree
with what he or she is saying. Instead, keep your face as
neutral as possible while listening. You’ll avoid
sending signals that could be misinterpreted.
Ask
clarifying questions. Get the information you need to understand
the speaker’s message. You might ask, “What
exactly do you want me to do?” or “When did
this first occur?” Save your questions for the end,
if possible, rather than interrupting — especially
if the speaker is upset or “on a roll.” It’s
easy for a speaker to get distracted or thrown off course
if you’re constantly interrupting.
Paraphrase
or repeat concepts and statements. Paraphrase the speaker’s
message by saying something like, “Let me see if I
understand. You’re saying....” This is a good
way to be sure you understood what the speaker was saying.
What you think you heard is not necessarily what the speaker
meant. Besides, not everyone expresses himself or herself
in a clear, concise way. So seek clarification of the message.
Stop
talking — both out loud and in your mind. Many of
us tend to continuously interrupt or try to defend or clarify
our own position while it’s the other person’s
turn to talk. This is especially likely to happen when there’s
a difference of opinion or when discussing a problematic
situation. Quiet, attentive listening will yield more information,
thereby facilitating better communication. It also shows
respect for the speaker and gives the impression that you’re
truly interested in what he or she has to say. Besides,
the speaker may bring up a point you hadn’t even thought
of.
Summarize
at the end of a conversation. Go over the points discussed,
any conclusions drawn, and review any agreed-upon actions
for either party. This will help everyone remember what
was discussed and what follow-up, if any, is expected.
Good
listening, like good speaking, comes with practice and your
commitment to be a better communicator. A general rule of
thumb is to talk less and listen more. I challenge you to
try!
Copyright Nursing Spectrum Nurse Wire (www.nursingspectrum.com).
All rights reserved. Used with permission.
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